“SOMETIMES I feel”
Once in my pensive moods I was pondering upon a
query which always made me whirl in the midst of dilemma and complexity, as to
what life actually is and what motive marks for our creation. But till date I
haven’t been able to get a precise and
satisfactory verdict for my query. Every time when I try to search for it I get
engulfed in an inexorable thought process and find it even harder to delineate
in words. Certainly “life” is
a glimpse of oneself, a platform where one plays different roles in different
ways but still monotony prevails. There’s
no denying fact that the sculptor of “Life” is no less than an artist and our existence is a
testimonial to it. Whenever I go down in the memory lanes my soul and mind gets
endowed with heaps of nostalgic moments which imbue within me everlasting
impressions of mirth and gloom. It has always been a human tendency to be
retrospective and get actuated by emotions. I really don’t know from where to commence and where to terminate
my words but I hope that I try my level best to present myself in the most apt
and precise manner and culminate my thoughts into a single knit form . Though
it seems to be a herculean task to give a succinct account of events that have
occurred but I still hope that I do complete justice with my own self and with
all those who have been an integral part of my life, when I pen them into
words. The notion of writing a documentary on my own self has definitely carved
a pathway to free my thoughts from the servitude of heartily and psychological
commotion. I don’t possess the dexterity and ingenious
art which the writers have to percolate their ideas and touch the minuscule
heartstrings of the readers but I still hope that my work is acknowledged,
appreciated and also criticised so that I am able to ameliorate and rectify my
actions and adopt new ideologies and even relinquish the wrong perceptions
within me. Sometimes life appears to be a well of enticements and at times an
interminable sea of delusions. But certainly I got to adhere to my grandmother’s notion that life in the form of Homo sapiens is
unmatchable and only those who perform righteous actions in their previous
births attain it. Surely I matched up with all the requisites as per my granny
to acquire a human life form and fortunately landed on this planet as a human
being. Perceptions are our reflections. It’s
really an arduous task to comprehend and scrutinize the minds of others and
give a perfect delineation about them but it’s even more complex to frame and portray one’s own self into pieces of words because by doing so
we confront ourselves to all the latent realities of our life. Most of us are
reluctant to face the truth and keep deluding our mind and soul with pseudo
beliefs. Surely, this is because we have become so habitual of living in an
unrealistic and illusionic world that we keep betraying our own selves from
within. Secondly we fear to encounter the repercussions that come along with
truth and find it more comfortable to live under the slavery of myth. We always
try to pinpoint the errors which others commit or try to highlight the
negatives which others possess but when we introspect our own selves and
thereby try to weigh the pros and cons within us, we get acquainted with a
multitude of our shortcomings and faults. This autobiography of mine “Sometimes I feel” is a reflection of my inner self, my ideologies, my
perceptions and a deep insight to all those happenings which have had a
profound impact in sculpting me into the present day form. It is an attempt to
cleave the manacles of shyness and the introverted opacity of my demeanour and
present before you all a distinct outline of my life. At times rectification of
our deeds is not possible and often these irreversible actions erupt guilt deep
within our hearts. Surely, this documentary will act as a bridge between my
heart and mind thereby curtailing the emotional and mental fronts. It is simple
to retrospect one’s past but a Himalayan task to
introspect into that past.
