The God Within - in the words of Abhigya Dwivedi

Twelve years ago, in the summers of 2001 a bird made a nest in the balcony of my house. I was so happy to find a real bird’s nest in our house, it gave me immense pleasure to watch the bird move in and out of her little heaven. And then more happiness came when I saw tiny brown eggs in the nest. Time passed and little baby birds came out of the eggs, tiny featherless creatures squeaking in a very low sound and opening a mouth quite big in proportion to their small body. It was the best thing in the world to watch the mother bird feed her babies.  Now my grandmother had warned me not to go near the nest or touch it but one morning I woke up to find a baby bird lying on the ground, squeaking and shivering, this was a sad scene and the mother bird was sitting at a distance watching the sun beat hard upon her baby but doing nothing. A meeting of my friend circle was called to find a solution and based upon the knowledge and sense available it was decided that since the mother bird has no real hands, she is unable to put the baby bird back in the nest and we must help her or else the baby bird would die from sun. And so it was done, the baby bird was put back in the nest with the help of a scoop made of newspaper. We were happy to complete our mission and do a good deed by helping the bird but what followed filled my heart with a guilt and remorse which when confronted upon still casts a shadow on my heart. The mother bird never entered the nest again and when my father told me that the children will all die because of me I was terrified. We made every effort in our knowledge, fed the baby birds with fruits, guarded their nest to keep the predators away called a Vet, but they still died one by one.
 Now being raised in a traditional Hindu family I had, by that age, developed a good faith in god- the creator and controller of this universe, the protector of all live forms and the one who always listens to prayers and answers them righteously. And all those days when the little featherless creatures were suffering I prayed with all my heart to the same God that may he let the baby birds live and punish me for my actions instead. I was told that God listens to our prayers, shows us the right path, keeps us away from wrong ones and always performs justice. But despite all prayers and human efforts the poor little creatures died, every one of them. And this left me only with guilt and remorse and also with the question that why didn’t God stopped me from doing the horrible deed, why didn’t he helped the baby birds who were so naïve and innocent. I asked everybody but the answers never justified the image of God built in my mind- it was their fate.. everyone has some purpose in life and God makes sure that it is fulfilled, the birds came here to teach you something.. we all do what God assigns us to do and sometimes he wants us to learn lessons in bad ways.. there are ups and downs in life and we must accept them.

But if God controls everything, and if he has the power to control everything isn't it reasonable to expect him to make the world a place of harmony where everybody performs his duty righteously, loves other and always be just. Why doesn’t he use his supreme strength to keep us on a right track. There is evil a big lot of evil despite the presence of an omnipotent God. Can it be accepted by giving references of tasks, purpose, responsibilities and the concept of ups with downs, good with bad.  Is it our responsibility to be born in a poor family and face the inequality and other consequences thereof while others enjoy luxuries just by birth, I think it’s not. Similarly, is it God who assigns us the task of being a murderer, a rapist, a corrupt politician… is dying before the age of five the purpose of nine million human lives every year?? I won't persuade you to believe but according to me the kind of God we are looking for, the one who is omnipotent, the one who controls everything, the one who watches us over and performs justice may not exist. Human beings have, through ages, manipulated the image of God to answer for their inabilities, to cover up their mistakes and to provide the reasons unavailable with them. I believe in god, God is there within each one of us but not beyond. God is all the love, all the goodness, all the feeling of righteousness which keeps us from falling apart. But in terms of action God only does what “we” do, God controls what “we” control and God creates the world, good or bad, which is created by “our own” efforts. It’s upon us what we make of ourselves, we can make a God which is just, loving and aware of his responsibilities with our own thoughts and efforts or we can make the counterpart which most of us like to call Evil or Satan or Shaitan by the same. As in the words of John F. Kennedy, “Here, on earth, God’s work must truly be our own.”

Abhigya Dwivedi
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